Despair

I don't know what to do.  I took my pregnancy test this morning and it was negative.  I don't honestly know what I hoped to find on that test. I have been spotting since Friday. At first, I thought it could be implantation bleeding and was a bit excited. Then it kept happening.  If that test did show the extra line, would that have meant I was just going to find out I was pregnant only to miscarry?  Because God knows, I am terrified of that happening again.  Or would it be better to get a negative?  I know this cycle was not ideal - I didn't eat well, my blood work was all over, I had some wine.  I don't know.

So I called the dr's office and let them know it was negative.  The nurse took the info, said she would speak with the dr and call me back with more info.  I got the call back and got some "interesting" news.  The dr would be willing to do one more IUI, but she recommends moving on to IVF.  I was floored. On one hand, I appreciate the fact that she wants to do everything she can to get me pregnant.  On the other hand, holy shit. This is IVF.  The nurse asked if I had any info on IVF and when I said no, she said she would send me some.  I asked if she knew how much it cost. She estimated an additional $5000 to $7000 more than the IUI.  Ho-ly shit.  She said if I wanted to do IUI, I just wait for my period to start and call.  If I want IVF, then I would need to do a month of birth control pills to monitor my cycle.  So, basically, I need to make a decision in 3 days...or how ever long it takes for my period to start.

I can honestly say I have no idea what to do.  I can think of pros and cons for both.

IUI:

Pro: I know I can at least get pregnant.  I have basically gotten pregnant every other time: 1st cycle, 3rd cycle...this would be my 5th. 

Pro: it only costs $2400.

Con: I only have 1 tube.  And that tube is the one that consistently produces a substantially fewer number of eggs than the other.  I only have 3 or so eggs on that side for the swimmers to hit.

Con: What if I get another tubal pregnancy?  Then I stand the possibility of losing my one remaining tube.  

Con: Timing. I am going on a business trip in September.

IVF:

Pro: Odds of getting pregnant are higher.

Pro: I eliminate the risk of a tubal pregnancy.

Con: $9500 I don't have.

Con: Possibility of multiples (or is this a pro??????).

Con: I can only do this one time.

Con: I would most likely need to sell my house and move in with my parents to afford this.

Con: Timing. I am going on a business trip in September. I would need to delay this until October.

Why does this have to be so hard?