So, I had the whole cyst experience last month and didn't have an insemination. I was to call Dr. D's office with the first day of my cycle. Last month, when I did this, I had to go to the office the same morning (like 25 minutes after calling). This month, my first day was on a Saturday, so I needed to call on Sunday. Well, I thought I would be a bit proactive and get up at 6:15 a.m. to shower then call so I would be ready to go in. Well, I shower, get ready and call at 7:15. The lady I spoke with said "Great, come in tomorrow morning around 7:30". WHAT? Tomorrow? Um, I set my alarm clock on a Sunday for this and now it turns out I didn't need to? Crap. I can't even go back to bed because I am wide awake and showered now.
So after wallowing in my bitterness for the entire day, I went in Monday morning full of optimism. I check in and gaze at the number of beautiful couples there...I swear I saw at least 4 couples where the woman was slender, gorgeous and well-dressed and the man looked professionally attractive. Well, until he pulled out his blackberry and started scrolling. That brought him down a bit in my book. So, there I am sitting by myself in my fat pants feeling exceedingly frumpy. Each time I tell myself the nurses are lucky I shaved my legs...why do I need to dress to impress? Then I get there and my self-confidence takes a nose-dive. I don't know why it matters - I don't know these people. But it does, for some reason. I just lose all confidence. I really need to work on this, I think.
Ok - that was a bit of a tangent. Blah blah blah - I get there and am getting the ultrasound and what does the nurse find? The same damn cyst is still there. It hasn't changed at all. She walks out of the room mumbling something about "the dr sticking a needle up there and draining it"...which didn't sound all that appealing. I had to sit there on the table naked from the waist down trying to figure out exactly how they would accomplish draining that damn cyst. Nothing I came up with sounded painless. But the nurse came back in, told me to get dressed and they would draw some blood. They draw the blood (no bruising, thank the lord) and tell me they would give me a call.
One thing I absolutely love about my beloved Dr Hottie was that he would explain every little detail and map out our plan of attack. Dr. D is a professional who works on an as-needed basis....meaning you will know what she tells you and don't ask any questions. I don't think she is intentionally NOT telling me what I want to know, I just think she has this down to a science and she isn't there to get to know her patients. She is there for one reason only: get that patient pregnant. Which is great, but just not really what I am used to.
So a few hours later, I get a call telling me that the cyst is too small to drain and it is "non-estrogen producing". Which is good, I guess. The nurse says they are going to proceed with a procedure this month and I need to inject myself with two doses of the drug every night and to go into the office Friday morning for an ultrasound. I should be thrilled that I am moving forward but I'm not. I can honestly say I am terrified right now. Holy shit. I am really doing this - spending thousands and thousands of dollars, going into debt all to get further in debt by getting pregnant. What the hell was I thinking?
But, just like my mantra, I say "it will be fine" and put one foot in front of the other. I go home and stare at this two inch needle that I have to stick into my ass....all the way in, not just part way. I try and psych myself up, draw a target on my butt cheek in black permanent marker and just jab it in. And am totally surprised that it really doesn't hurt. It burns a bit as I inject the meds, but the needle itself doesn't hurt. I am elated. I do a little happy dance and then it hits me. I honestly have not done a happy dance since I was pregnant. I have been happy since the miscarriage and divorce, but not happy-dance happy. It felt good. I want to feel that more often. So while this journey scares the be-jesus out of me, it also makes me truly happy. I am working toward accomplishing something I have wanted for most of my life. I can't wait for the rabbit to die and deliver a healthy baby. And to be completely honest, I already have the names decided on....one boy name and one girl name with the same middle name. I pray I need those names soon.
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