Holding Pattern

I have a new baby daddy. I have named him Howie. So, whenever I go for a procedure, I will now say I am going on a date with Howie.

The big news is that I am going to start trying to date. I have been a coward lately when it comes to dating...didn't want to put myself out there and risk getting rejected. I can't get rejected if I don't try, right? Most of the time I feel I have overcome the effects of my divorce, but sometimes I wonder. Not that I miss my ex, but will I trust as much again? Trust in myself and trust in my partner? The rat bastard cheated on me and how could I not have known? I was completely blindsided. How could I have fallen (or settled more like it) for someone who would do such a thing? What if I make that mistake again?

But that is life. I have to keep moving on. I know I don't want to be 60 and by myself....but I also don't want to be unhappy in a relationship. Oh well. We will give it a shot and see what happens.

This month has been really nice - I didn't have an IUI because I switched doctors. I just had some blood work done and done poorly, might I add. I know everyone needs to learn in their job, but having some untrained kid practice on me wasn't fun. My arm hurt for a week afterwards. I am a bleeder...it isn't really difficult to get my blood. But good lord, the kid tried like 4 times before the supervisor took over.

Then I had some tests done....an ultrasound which isn't usually bad...but when they flush water where water shouldn't go - it isn't fun. But the break has been nice...no two weeks of worry, hope and then disappointment.

I go in next week to learn how to give myself some shots. My mom, lord love her, offered to go to the class with me. But I am ok going by myself.  Even with all the support from my family, I am still doing this by myself, so I need to get used to going it alone.