New Year

I can honestly say I had the best New Year's Eve in a decade.  I went to visit my brother and SIL and went out with their friends.  I have known all but one for years and they are a great group of people.  My brother is very lucky to have them.  Well, the one I didn't know is a very cool guy. I have heard about him but never met.  We hit it off.  There is no way to adequately explain why the night was so fun, so I won't even try.  Suffice it to say, we went to dinner then to this old people-ish bar and danced up a storm.  I saw old ladies in glittery dresses, a Kenny Rogers post-surgery look-alike, cougars and the younger men that love them.  A good time was had by all.

I went back to my brother's house this weekend (he lives about 1.5 hours away) and went out with the guy on an official date.  It was a good time and I will be seeing him again.  He is nice, funny and just fun.  I have only been out with him a total of 3 times, but he is the kind of guy I want to date.  Him being in a different city is not ideal, especially when driving in wintery, midwest weather is involved.  But I look forward to seeing him again and I believe he feels the same way.  We shall see.

There was a "focus group" with the hospital that I had the tube removal at last week for perinatal loss.  I was the only one with a first trimester loss - each of the other 8 couples had late term losses. It was heartbreaking to hear their stories and relive my experience.  Seeing my mom cry was so hard.  She has been such a rock for me.  I am blessed to have her.

There is just so much that can go wrong with pregnancy.  You don't realize it when you are younger - the world is your oyster and everything will work out.  But the reality is that it doesn't always.  The hospital wanted to know what they did that was good, what wasn't and what we would have liked to have had happen (other than NOT losing our children).  If they implement some of the items brought up, I think it would be wonderful.  

Pregnancy loss seems to not be recognized as a traumatic event and that is horrible.  People understand your grief when you lose a child after birth, but they seem to brush it off when you lose the baby before birth.  And we have just the same feelings for our children whether they make it to term or not. We still love that child, have hopes and dreams for them.  We just don't have memories or tangible proof they were here.    And that almost makes it harder.  We wonder.  We wonder about the sex, who they would have looked like, if they would have been funny, smart or awkward.  We will never know and that sucks.  But that is life and we just have to put one foot in front of the other and go on.

That pretty much sums up my last two weeks.  I had some really good times and some painful ones.  I am trying to keep a positive outlook and so far, it seems to have brought good things.